Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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