When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
