It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
