but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize