If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Even my vagina gasped.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
