he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
