It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
