So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
