I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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