fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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