Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
