i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize