I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
