There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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