drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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