Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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