Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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