Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
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You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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