I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
