i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
