why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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