I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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