I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
