tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
