K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
