dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
