i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
