so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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