My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
