I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
