pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
