would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
