Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
