you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
