did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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