Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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