don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Randomize
