Porn is love you can see.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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