what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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