Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
