Small penises have feelings too.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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