They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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