; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
