And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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