i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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