Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
