we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
