im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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