I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
