Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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