Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
