Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
