there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
