If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
