either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize