Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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