I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We're too hungover to prance.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
