ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
