I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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