I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
