there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
