somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
