I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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