Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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