I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Brb crying the tears of my youth
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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