Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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